My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
