We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
