I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
