My Higher Power is John Stamos
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
