The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
