I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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