Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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