I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
