the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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