I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
