areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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