Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
