in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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