i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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