Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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