totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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