She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and she was petting her beer can
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
