I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
