YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
