Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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