Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
