My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
