Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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