This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
