what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
