I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
