How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
