WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
