Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
