so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
