We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
