nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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