I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
