I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Acid is not a monday night drug
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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