Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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