Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
