Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
