a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Randomize
