dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
