i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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