It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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