its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
