I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
