so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
