i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
