I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
