you have to choose: penises or morals?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
