did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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