I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
