Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
