im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I want to fling myself into the sun
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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