I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
