nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
