I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
