So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
