therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
